I had a fantastic opportunity on the retreat I have just finished assisting on for Catherine Gallagher. One that was about to take me into the next level of my career. I had the opportunity to lead a group of incredible women of all ages in an immersive workshop, the first time I had done so in a retreat setting (and under the name of a renowned Yoga teacher whom I hugely respect)! Upon finishing the session, there seemed to be one problem. It didn’t feel the way I thought it would. I had spent all day leading up to my 5 o’ clock slot planning, devising, studying, creating. My body had built into a bundle of excitement and nerves (if I’m honest, more nerves) which I carried all day. The opportunity to hold space for these women to express and heal, bringing to the table a huge, complex topic to allow them to expand in their own way was all I could possibly have wanted. Would their expectations be higher because of the incredible experiences they’d had so far that week? I felt I had to prove myself as a teacher – to these women, to Catherine, to myself. I even felt I had to prove it to my existing clients, to come back from Ibiza and say ‘look at what I’ve done, I’m worth running a retreat for you now’. Catherine wasn’t putting pressure on me, I created it for myself. When I had finished teaching, I sat down with Catherine. She beamed at me, told me how fantastic it was and gave me a huge hug. But I felt awful. The anxiety hangover was immense. I thought it had gone terribly. I had been building up to the moment so much, and when I got to it I was analysing how I thought it was going, what everyone’s faces where saying, whether people were judging me in the moment. When it had come to a close, I tore myself down thinking about everything that I could have done better. What had happened to the confident teacher who was comfortable teaching her class back home? I totally forgot to just flow and allow myself to be in my zone of genius. I let the head get in the way of the heart.
When I mentioned it to Catherine, we began to talk. And like the incredible mentor and friend she is, she guided me deeper. She held space for what I was feeling and helped me dissect it. She helped me find the deep medicine in the experience I had just had. She helped me uncover the lessons with grace and acceptance and realise that in fact was exactly what I needed to push me out of my comfort zone. She brought me back to the reason as to why I do what I do. Not only for others, to be of service. But for my own healing and self discovery. It’s never about me, but also it is. As teachers, we learn through our classes and often teach what it is that we need to hear ourselves.
Even though I felt like my class was a flop, it was in fact exactly the class it was meant to be – for the women attending and for me. The experience gave me the greatest fuel to keep on this path, sharing what I share. Thank you Catherine, from the bottom of my heart. and thank you to my own soul, for taking the wisdom from the moment.
The year has flown by and we are into the final block of classes before Christmas. If you are looking to explore Yoga in a group setting, I have drop in spaces available for both the Monday and Wednesday classes. For full block dates, further information and to read about private classes head over to the classes page of the website.
If you want to join a deeper dive workshop this month, there are two offerings. As well as the next ‘Awaken Your Life’ Yoga Philosophy Workshop on Sunday 27th (12.30PM-3.00PM), I am teaming up with Morgan Sawyer at ‘Parties by MJS’ for a Womens Yoga Afternoon on Saturday 12th November from 12.30PM -3.30PM. ‘Connect & Reflect’ will help you make space to connect to like-minded women, reflect on the year gone by and wind down ahead of winter. Enjoy gentle Yoga, a nourishing light lunch and a meditation circle, along with your own goodie bag to take away. Investment price is £55. To find out more and book your space for either workshop, contact me directly.
And finally, keep your eyes peeled as over the next few months I will be releasing details for a 2023 RETREAT, in collaboration with my mum Samantha Waterfield at Elysium Holistic Therapy. Many of you have been asking for this for a while. Well, we are finally ready! I can’t wait to share with you all what we have planned.
Have you ever had an anxiety hangover from something you thought would be wonderful? I’d love to hear your thoughts – share in the comments below!