Grieving An Ending.
I love writing. I find it cathartic. Whatever I am going through, whatever I am learning or have learnt, I write it down. In a blog post, in a journal. It helps me make sense of things. It helps me process emotion, as well as giving something back that may help or be useful to someone else if they find themselves in a similar situation.
We are now a fair way through the year. Some wonderful things may have started for you. But also, some things may have ended. Jobs, relationships, experiences.
I found myself encountering an ending this week. What ended had been beautiful, in some respects it had been painful and a learning in many ways. And it needed to end. I could feel that it was in my best interest to do so. For now, at least. My intuition expected it, but I also really didn’t. Because there was a part of me clinging to what could happen, as opposed to the truth that was staring me blankly in the face. I am getting a lot better at accepting, owning and facing the truth. But emotions cannot be stopped when you open the flood gates. I came into work on Wednesday morning a little bit of an emotional wreck. And upon talking to my beautiful friend Ella, she said ‘It’s grief. You need to grieve it’. I had to think about that for a moment. I don’t think I’d ever heard the word ‘grief’ be used to describe something that wasn’t a physical death before. But that’s exactly what I was feeling. Grief. Of course it’s important to look forward to the excitement that the future holds, I am the biggest advocate of that, but do we ever talk about grief for a person that hasn’t died but is no longer a part of your life? Do we ever talk about the grief that comes when you move on from an old part of you? It’s a very real thing. This feeling of loss that can’t be explained no matter how positive you feel about moving forward. What I’ve found more than anything is that I am not just grieving for the past, but also grieving for what could have been in the future. For the plans I made in my mind (despite telling myself not to because nothing is ever certain). Which I know is ridiculous because that never even existed. It’s important to sit with the grief, whatever it is for you, for as long as you need to. And different parts of it will take longer to grieve over than others. You and your body will naturally clear those feelings and allow them to move on when the time is right. It’s much better to take time to feel than deal with a backlog of emotions years down the line that were never expressed. I am proud of myself, because I wouldn’t have had the courage before to listen to what my body was telling me and face the music. It was scary. What lies ahead is exciting. But I need to feel a little grief. Never apologise for your sensitivity within a moment. Feeling fully is some of the deepest self love work you can do. Your emotions are an asset to help you tap into who you are on a greater level.
After an April of letting go, May is a time for new beginnings within Compassionate Awakened Living, which I am so excited for. This month I am back teaching in person. In person classes commence week beginning May 17th with a brand new structure. Classes will now be running in 6 week blocks for which you can book for the whole duration. Mondays at 6PM will be a 6 week beginners Vinyasa Flow Yoga course and Wednesday’s at 7.30PM will be an all levels Vinyasa class. Both will be held at Saints Green Place in North End. Over Zoom on Thursday nights I will run meditations at 8PM. On May 27th I am delighted to say that the Moon Baths will be back. Mum and I can’t wait to get going again for the full moon in Sagittarius (date of moon Wednesday 26th May). More information on all classes and Moon Baths can be found on the classes page of my website. If you wish to book or have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact me via email.
May also sees the end of my first quarter of studies with IIN (Institute of Integrative Nutrition) and I am well on my way to being a health coach, and taking my passion for holistic living to the next level. I also get to be a Fairy from now until the end of Summer in my other job. I honestly can’t wait to be in nature in a flower crown.
I really hope you enjoy a month full of new beginnings, fresh starts and beautiful bank holidays as the world begins to open up again.
With Love, Light & Best Wishes,
Ciara X
Compassionate Awakened Living 