Do you struggle to forgive?
Many people are reluctant to forgive as by doing so they believe they are letting the person in question (or themselves) ‘off the hook’ for doing what they did. It’s a case of playing the blame game. ‘They did this to me, so I am going to blame them for all of this hurt that I am feeling’.
As humans we are under the illusion that everything external causes us pain. That someone, or something, makes you feel a certain way and there is no control over that. And to some extent, it does, because the external is the ‘subject matter’ that is hurting you. But get ready to have your mind BLOWN (because it blew mine when I first thought about it):
No one picks up a feeling and puts it in you.
Yes. You read that right.
Because you are the only person that has ultimate control over your thoughts and feelings.
So if someone did something that induced feelings of pain in you in some way and two years later you are still seething about it, guess what? The only person you are hurting is yourself. When I first learnt this it came as a revelation. Chances are the other person isn’t even thinking about it! And there you are stewing over the exact details, why it made you so angry and re-downloading all of the negative vibes that you could have released long ago.
My mum said something to me a few weeks ago that I thought was really profound (thank you mum, my greatest spiritual teacher):
‘In life, you’ll be carrying around your own baggage that you have to sort through. You don’t want to be carrying around someone else’s too.
Because that’s what it is. It’s someone else’s baggage. It has more of a reflection on their current learning than it does on yours. Forgiveness is the key to that release. And it doesn’t mean that you’re letting them off the hook. It’s about acknowledging that people act out of where the healing of themselves and their inner child is. It has nothing to do with you.
It takes a lot of personal strength and inner work to forgive someone and begin to send them love and compassion. But you will feel so much better in the long run.
In Yoga, we believe that everyone is connected, that the universal energy is within us all (maybe that is partially where the word yoga comes from, the root word ‘Yug’ meaning joining together, a union). Maybe that is why forgiveness helps your inner being so much. What you do to others you are also doing to yourself.
The sooner you forgive, the sooner you allow space for love and happiness to flood into your life.
With Love, Light & Best Wishes,